We got the news yesterday that Margaret Cochran had passed away earlier this week. In a journey filled with inexplicable good fortune, my crossing paths with Margaret stands out as a highlight of my adult life.
Margaret was the first therapist I ever had, so I had no way of knowing that I had stumbled onto an A-list provider. Subsequent encounters, and stories I heard from others, clued me in that I had “fallen into the butter,” as my mother-in-law would have put it.
Margaret Cochran was a tiny woman, but you didn’t notice that. She always dressed magnificently, every detail, every accessory just so. Every hair in place. I’m not a fashionista so I don’t know all the right words, but visualize a fortune teller who shopped at Nordstrom.
I mean the “fortune teller” reference. Margaret wove nimbly between two worlds. There is the one that I, a software engineer, knew – things you can touch and see and hear. Then there’s the other world, that not all of us can see or sense. By the time Margaret was done with me, I was comfortable with the notion that there are things happening that I can’t sense, but they happen, nonetheless.
I’ll never forget sitting in her office one day. “Office” carries the wrong connotation – it was as gracious and beautiful as she was. We were sitting opposite each other in the comfortable chairs. But sitting next to Margaret, on the floor, was a cat. Silent. Motionless. Looking right at me.
“It’s a little disconcerting, the…, um…”
She raised an eyebrow. “My familiar?”
She said it, I didn’t.
The gift and its descendants
The details of what Margaret Cochran and I discussed are private, and ultimately unimportant. What’s important is how she changed my life and its trajectory.
Margaret taught me to be the sort of person that I wanted to be. She very likely held my new family together during the first chaotic couple of years. If you catch me being empathetic, Margaret Cochran has a lot of responsibility for that.
Now there’s a hole in the fabric of my life. I hadn’t spoken to Margaret in a decade, but it was heartwarming to know she was down there in the South Bay, doing relentless good for so many people. She always said they’d take her out of her office feet first, and as I understand the circumstances of her passing, that’s about what happened. For that I am grateful. But I didn’t think it would be so soon, and I hoped I would leave the planet safe in Margaret Cochran’s hands.
Truth is, it still is. Margaret would often talk about how we all are influenced by people who died before we were born. Imagine a great-grandparent who taught a lesson (for good or ill) to your grandmother, who sent it down to your dad, and here you are.
Margaret Cochran gave innumerable positive lessons and support to hundreds, perhaps thousands, of clients. I trust that those lessons will work their way through the generations. I know that my best self counts heavily on them, and I’ll do what I can to send them along.
I know that the Margaret-shaped hole in my life fabric won’t be mended, but I will learn to live with it, and be grateful that I spent some time in that comfortable chair.
Margaret had a phrase about stepping up to a challenge and doing the things that need to be done. So I’m going to put on my big-girl pants and get on with my life, sharing the lessons she gave me.
That world I can’t see, can’t sense – I hope Margaret Cochran is in it. Because I definitely miss her in this one.